Pluto et moi..

This post was very very long in coming. I had written this long ago but never gave a thought it!!! Then it became that I lost the status of being a friend to somebody.. This was an outlet.

DISCLAIMER : NOTHING MEANT TO HURT ANYONE. PURE PURE FUN!!!

It was sometime last month. I had been summoned away by a very personal call. It was purely a lamentation of deprivation. This guy was totally gonkers in my voice mail and I could feel my hand twisted by fate. I knew when I set out where my final destination would be!!

I got into my all new ever so secret "Mloops". The latest ever in space travel. It uses the M' aaspathri rule in breaking out of the earth's gravity and reaching higher speeds than light by asking light to turn around and then running past before it can react.

So dont disclose this to anybody.!!! Please. I have been telling everybody that Mloops is my latest laser control can opener. It can open cans in a radius of 5 kms by the Left Leg wine pour rule. The rule which formulates how a human leg wobbles after a nightcap. Oh!! You already know about it. It was just published in the "Young engineers garble".

So. I get into my Mloops. I am secretly watched by the "Society of Velai ella Pattatharigal", the american society founded by the Early Dr. Crow Rouser. Who gets the patents for anything undiscovered and releases it as soon as it is discovered.

My heart does a neat somersault as my Mloops takes off on a mission to : Pluto!!. If you had'nt guessed it already.

Now Pluto was my high school senior in the "Intergalactic Commission for underage delinquents". We had been commissioned for stealing the blueprints of how to make a pie from Gayathri's mom in a primitive planet called earth. Believe me!!! Gayathri's mom's vetha kozhambhu tastes a lot better than the pie we tried making..

Oh!! You thought I was from earth? How so dumb!! I am "Hi, am Metamorphising Service (for )Anthropods", code named Hamsa from the andromeda galaxy to study the primitive beahviour of select individuals in Lexington, Earth and try changing them into evolved beings.
Oh!! God. To think I was pardoned and trained for so insipid a task.

Any How!! Back to the story. So Pluto called me and asked me to rush to his place in the Solar system. It took Mloops exactly 10 tetronics to reach Pluto. This is akin to 60 minutes in earth. I was travelling from Celeron where I was temporarily receiving training in "Sahasranamam" which these individuals seem to attach so much importance. And also there was one constantly badgering me about "Shastras and stuff" I hardly got into my hypothalamus. I was hoping for a quick hard disk transfer from K Book which had done extensive study of the early religions. I also hoped to stop @ Vyasa's house @ Shri Vaikuntam on the galactic highway to hear a first hand account of how to handle crap. So you can naturally imagine my mortification at being interuppted.

I went to pluto's place and searched for a parking shelter for Mloops. Now Pluto being a very experimentative youngster had meddled around with blow up swell gas and had swollen to much that his experiment station was detected from primitive telescopic evidence. By people who cant see beyond their own noses. They had regaled him into status of being the youngest planet in the solar system. Now terms like "plutonic"--blown up, pluto-blue blooded and ice cold.. everything sprung up and my dear friend was swelled up again with self importance. His ego was doing rounds about the solar system.

Then came the big bang. He was suddenly was relegated to the status of stary debris and his world came braking down on him and had invoked my number. His orbit had also slowed down.

I went to the spot to talk him out of his depression and talk him to walking to the earth and having a good laugh. It has been long since I met a truly intelligent person. So it went.

I had reached pluto and parked in his palm. Man!! Had He swollen. He looked like a small dwarf planet actually!! To think earthlings could be right about something!!!.

Me: Pluto, come. Put a brake to it. Walk with me outside the kuiper belt and see Andromeda. We have left everything to come here. To be first praised and then demoted cruelly.

Pluto : sobs controllably.

Me : I cant even try to put my hand around you!!! (consternation)

Pluto : I stopped working on anti swell pills when they declared me a planet. Me actually having a reference in the Universe!!! Do you know how difficult it is to be fat!!!

Me :Yeah! I do. These earthlings are obsessed with it. though not in a call as large as yours. !!!

Pluto : Hmm??

Me : They decrease and increase in periodic time intervals. Work into depression when they become what they call by an uncouth term "fat". Then work their butts off to become undernourished!!!

Pluto : (peevishly) : I did not call to speak about your troubles. Did you see my moon??? She is so disgusted with me that I am not a planet any more and is wondering whether to take with Neptune!!!

Me: Ah!! Moons!! They are so fickle and impermanent. We have them back in earth. Both on ground and in air!! People worry about moons!!! Dont give two hoots to what they say!!

Pluto : Why does it ever have to happen with me??? Come on.."Hi am.."

Me: stop stop stop.. even I cant hear myself called that. Call me Hamsa.

Pluto : Hamsa? Nice. (Brightens up for the moment). Do u remember that I was hung up on you in IGCUG ??

Me: Pluto. Please. I am just out of an depression. Dont go over taking me into your state.

Pluto : Sorry Hamsa. Was it the guy who was named like a discus?? "spear thrower or something".

Me : PLUTO!! I CONFIDED IN YOU. NOW SHUT UP.

Pluto: Sobs uncontrollably.

Me : I know. I know. It is so difficult to have solar system out of your guts. But still you will have a better future away from it. Dont mingle with planetns that avoid you. Please Pluto.

Pluto : I had so much trust. So much confidence. I gave up my handsome body. I became pluto. No one talked with me!! Hamsa.(pronouncing with andromedan accent).. Hamsa..

Me : Holding up a kerchief.

Pluto : I so much want to lean on your shoulder.

Me : Stepping back!! "No No"

Pluto : (Wiping his tears offf). Ok. I shall stop. Suddenly comes to a screeching halllltttttttttt.

(Me and Mloops swept away by G - Forces from Neptune) Plutooooooooooooooooooooo

Pluto : Hamsa Hamsa....

Me : Mloopsssssssssssssss( Mloops is voice activated. In space?? It is triggered by the movements of my throat muscles.)

Just as we are being pulled in to neptune's cruel orbit, Mloops gets me and we reach Pluto in a tetronic.

Pluto : sorry. Sorry.

Me : Life is never dull around you Pluto.

Pluto: Smiles brightly. You were the best counsellor back home. Yeah. You are right. Than to take up "with not your planets", identity crisis, stolen forms.. All for a few moments of borrowed sunshine??

Me : Nodding head philospohically.

Pluto : You are right!! I am going back home. I will get to Andromeda and give you a call buddy. I shall call you in exactly 100 tetronics. You headed homewards???

Me : me? I have three homes.. To which do I go!!.. My foster parents in India, Earth, My adopted America? Or back home?? Whither lies home!! Home--commiserating miserably..

Pluto : Noooooooooooo.. Not againnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..

Byeeeeeeeeeee

So that ended our conversation and I got into Mloops and did a small sweep of the solar system. It was raining in Jupiter. Stopped over and had a coffee at Suckbtars. And headed home.

Home? I wonder...