Why?

"ennathaan blog la ezhuthinaalum ..nerla epdi irukkarangathu thaan matter..."

The prompt for the last para of my last post.

A comment from a dear friend.

Though made anonymously it struck a harsh note.

Africa

As a kid in 5th class, all Africa meant to me was the dark continent. To be answered in quizzes and class home work. As I grew up, it came to mean so much more. The Nile, the Egyptian civilization, intrepid adventurers like Livingstone. Much much later about the Boer wars, the gold, diamond, HIV and now more recently oil.

In all senses of the word, I think it would have been much better for Africa to have remained a dark continent. Never opening up to reveal to the world the people of Africa, the forests, the water, the gold, the diamonds..

That they were rich in resources was never a question. Where did Ma Earth not leave bonny treasures for Her son to delight in? She only forgot to share it equally between the brothers.

When I see pictures of Africa, I get haunted by wild visions. I think these people deserve more pity than anybody else in the world. At least the people of Iraq do know the value of their oil.

As a kid, as a teen, as a woman now,I have stood fascinated by the stories of Egypt. Pharaohs,their beautiful queens, their concubines, their servants, their riches.Nile. Egypt. The Sahara.

When I think of the chasm linking them and the rest of Africa together, I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. When will the exploitation of man ever end? Did you know? The women of Africa were referred to as sleeping dictionaries. By the British officers. They slept with them and learnt the language. How does that sound?

The world took gold, diamonds, now oil and has given back to them poverty, disease, starvation and death. Good deal if you are not on their side, isn't it?

Civil wars, mutiny, desertation. What is gold compared to a stomach full of food and a clean place to sleep? What are diamonds compared to the smiling teeth on the children's face? What is oil when compared to the fire that burns in a heart?

When people believe in numbers? I read a statistic recently. It took a quarter of a century to convert Africa to Christianity. It took 5 years for the Muslims to convert them to Islam. I am glad that conversions aren't supported in Hinduism.Any and everybody have a right to think and nobody can question that right.

How do you rate Africa? I rate them as people who could live in harmony with nature. People who did not allow all the diamonds in the world to run their life for them. People who did not care for gold or riches. Simple, happy people.

The world branded them savages, barbarians, cannibals, and once they turned 'alright', it turned cannibalistic towards them.

All the clichéd expressions. What are other's sufferings when those compared to Africa are? The sky blue, the sun yellow, the waters blue, the greens green. Yet the soil is blood red. The people oil black. The desert an unforgiving orange.

After all. The entire exercise is futile. I vaguely remember the movie No man's land as I close my mind to Africa. My heart though is awake and my soul poignant.

This trip to Africa : courtesy of a photo I saw recently in orkut. As much as photos cant capture the true intent or the sufferings, no amount of sympathizing can ever equal the sacrifice of true volunteers fighting AIDS and multinationals.

This day. I suddenly realized I have a long way to go in becoming a decent human being. I am decent girl accepted by the standards of people today. But by God? I am a long long way off.

Also as a side note, whatever I write, whatever I do : I never premeditate. You can ask anybody about it. I never plan on what I am going to say. It is spontaneous, it is true.

It is not for blog's sake. This web page is not a blog to me. I think it is my way of baring up to the world. It is stripping of my face and saying, yes. This is what I am and I am not ashamed of it.

Nerlaiyum na ipdi than. Blog laiyum ipdi than.

Golden Rules of life

Never do it.

1)Never introduce your friends to others. Never. Ok? I have had enough and this is the advice of my life.
2) Never criticize somebody behind their back if they are a common friend. Never.

I did the first one. I realized my mistake. I am going to stop doing the second one from this second.

A thing called trust

There are lot of big words out there when you look at your calendar, make a decision, live life...Responsibility, commitment, goals, priority, deadlines, vacations(:)),deliverables, usp, family, friends.

Wait. Am I missing out on something? trust? Is it not important too? To have and hope it is had? How would you feel if your boss says,"ah! come on. You can't do it". Just means he can't trust it with you. How about, your friend says,"I won't tell you till last, you big mouth!".

It is always shouted out from the roof tops when somebody does not trust you. Cha!! "How could somebody think of me like that?". But have we ever stopped to think whether we have had trust in everyone we knew. Some people are naturally untrustworthy. Do not bring them into the equation. But somebody we love, some day, some situation? There must have been at least one time.

I never trusted mom on my personal matters. I used to tell Tom, Dick and Harry when I realized I was missing out on the one person who would have made all the difference. I never trust God. I love Him. I want Him with all my heart. But when there is a situation and I need Him to bail me out, I first make fall back plans.

Ok! Even if we fall from the mountain, this rope shall save me. Not God? Rope? A small thing shall save your life? Trust would.

What prompts us to undergo operations by surgeons and doctors whom we have spoken for a few minutes about a remote muscle which we did not know existed till then? Trust.Probably in some situations, hopelessness. But in most trust.

It is such a big word. It is so huge. It is in reality the only word that matters. Ever. Trust. In a relation. In a friendship. In an hushed up affair. In a cul de sac situation. In life or death points.

When the Lord said,"Renounce all Dharmas, seek me alone as refuge.". Still the only thing He did not ask you to give up was Trust.

The very first thing that man gave up was trust. Trusting his fellow beings. We always think of our problems and reactions to actions that we fail to take into account that another person might react differently. I think this is what plunges into an unhealthy relation. Anytime.

Once when I had a problem, (I had lost my watch), I did not tell my mom for like a week. I told everyone else and was searching even gutters for it. Then when I finally had the courage to confess to ma, she brought the watch and said,"you had dropped it on the couch". I could only mutter thanks and run away.

Though it might seem to be a too small a word for too big an issue: if only the Austrians had believed that the youth who murdered their crown prince in Sarajevo was really mad, the Second world war would not have begun.

Placing trust in a chicaneer can very well have your amicable dispositions sucked down into a vortex for the rest of your blighted life. I am sorry. The only thing I can offer you is,"Trust. Better luck next time."

After all we are humans. Not goats that believe the people who are fattening us up are doing so for the good of the goat community or because they are fans of our goaties.
Use your senses to believe in good and the positive that is still left in the humanity at large. Believe me. There are some excellent people out there. Still.

Oh heck! Why did I start on this for? I have a couple of friends who as much as I shout from even Tibet(the roof of the world) can never understand I love them a lot. They will never trust me with anything fearing it would hurt me or I would be angry.

Also, remember if you do something that deserves anger, it is probably better to get it straight away, rather than a frozen anger microwaved over and over again!!!

If you think your friend would hate you for having a film with a few of your other friends, or a quiet smoke with the guys(not marijuana please). STOP.

Think it over. Act.

Trust.

Three is a crowd

Whoever wrote the proverb is prophetic. Thats all I can declare right now!!
THREE IS A CROWDDDDDDDDDDD...

I did get the message though. Thanks!

From ashes to ashes

Death.

Each day in the universe something new is being created. Something's being consumed to some other form. And one fine day it shall go up in glorius flame of destruction only to start over again and plod in the endless rthym of life and death.

I was reading an article by Uma. I love her blog. It may be because I love emotive people. People who feel sad and cry,people who rejoice in their happiness, exult in love,..I love all of them. I hate only to feel alone even when I am in a crowd of people. This happens a lot. But I dont understand why.

If you are angry, if you are feeling irritated over something, speak it out. I would always like to get over things with rather than to keep brooding about it. I am digressing.

Death never used to affect me personally. I used to think that if somebody died, it was just as fine. What's the big deal? You got to die someday. Someday might just be today. So? I dont bother about death personally. Even today. If I die, I die. That' all.

But of late I am being persecuted by death in a different form. This guy thinks, "Oh. Well!. If you are not afraid of me personally, let me go ahead and try to get to you in a different form. Sadistic though!" So he goes and threatens my relatives. My near, dear and loved ones. My mom, my dad, my patti, my anna.

He gets them to some crisis, sees me crawling like a worm in a hot oven and then pulls them out and laughs..I got you!.

More often than not, I feel the Thirukkural, "Embilathanai veyil pola kayume abilathanai aram" should have been changed to " embillathanai veyil pola kayume, anbulathai aram".

In tamil the noose wielded by the symbolic God of Death, Yama is called "pasa kayiru". I dont know if it is literally a translation for the noose but I think it means the Love rope. The soul does not want to leave the world. He throws the rope and pulls it away from all it loves.

I am reminded of a story in the Mahabharata. There is this disciple under a guru. He is for some reason(which escapes my memory now) is cursed by the Guru to be born a pig. He pleads with him to rescue him from the terrible(he thinks so) fate to befall him. The guru relenting says that if somebody gets to the place where the pig is to be born and kills him soon after birth, he would regain human form and be born in the same family. Also he reveals the coordinates(:))) of his birthplace.

The disciple goes to his friends and narrates the story and pleads them on the love of their friendship to come and kill him as soon as he is born. They agree. The disciple dies and soon after is reborn as a pig. Actually a cute piglet.

The friends reach the place and take aim with the arrows. The piglet squeals and runs behind its mother. A hot chase ensues. Finally the piglet is cornered. It suddenly begins to speak. It says, "Oh noble fellows. For the reason of friendship, you have come to dispel me this lowly birth. But listen. I have come to love even this birth. I am loved by my parents. My brothers and sisters take extreme care of me. I am loved and petted by my owner's daughter. But I being a brahmin of previous birth, understand my superior nature but an not ready yet to forgo the love of my relations. Let me be. I shall complete this birth and be back in the Ashrama again. Thank my guru for this oppurtunity to realize that each body is divine and neccessary to the soul within".

The friends return to the ashrama. The guru nods his head even before the tale reached his ears. For arent teachers supposed to know all?

The point I wanted to make with the above story is that, even a piglet, though a lowly creature we may deem it to be, throbs with love and affection for its surroundings. Fears death and shrinks from it.

As man, as a higher creature of living, though we claim ourself to be,we have not divested the love of our body and our thoughts. We are still being defeated in effect, word, deed and creed by death.

I myself stand bowed down by that reaper. Defeated, crushed and cringing. Not due to love of me. But due to love of others.

God save the man.

Kill Bill

I was just thinking a long time about my writings off late. They have become polambals and more polambals. I thought I could go off the track and write a blog about a movie I admire a lot.

Kill Bill. As the name goes. Just kill bill. QT as usual is splendid. Back home this could be made into a Rajni starrer masala mega hit. Tarantino has captured it as a saga of romance, love, carnage and revenge.

The story line is not too complicated to follow. A beautiful lady assasin decides on a not so active lifestyle for the sake of her unborn child. She moves to El Paso, Texas(next to nowhere : El Paso guys please forgive) to get married to a blockbuster(okay okay. An obscure record store) employee. [On the side track, QT himself worked in a record shop for years before his splendid incarnation]

But the father of her child gets there are effects put a stop to her rustic future. By killing everyone present. 10 people. Including the church's organ player. But one of them doesnt die. My fair lady.

What happens next is the seemingly impossible set of incidents that catapult the lives of the established assasins to the keeping of their Lord.

It is a must watch if you havent seen it already. Uma Thurman scintillates as the protagonist and Dick Carradine defends his to perfection. The members of the deadly Viper Assination squad are rid of their teeth and poison in a systematic, chilling and authentic way. Dialogues are sharp, crisp and amazingly sharp.

Music scores at every point. Though my favorite is Nancy Sinatra crooning Bang Bang. A close second is the flower of carnage by Meiko Kaji. The lyrics are amazing too.

My favorite is the part in Kill Bill 2 where Uma trains with the Pai Mei. "Stupid caucasian girl thinks she can play around with Samurai Sword"- O Ren Ishii before death.

All I can say is watch it. Total masala. But true, flavored Pav Bhaji channa masala. Homemade -mom's cooking.

CAN'T BEAT IT!!