Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Zen feeling
Many a time I have wondered why God does things the way He does. There are some things that I implicitly trust. He is. He knows that I exist. He knows what I do, what I think. He takes care of me. But then there are times when I just think that He has forgotten if I am there.
It is something that goes beyond the skin. I love Him from somewhere deep and every minute I want Him to make me aware of Him. Just reassure me He is there with me every second of my pains.. It is like a wife wanting her husband to be with her when she is in the obstetrician’s ward trying to breathe new life. But the moment the child is born, the husband becomes secondary though only for a short while.
I want Him with me every second of my life on earth, trying to leave without making much negative impact, help me make some positive impact at least. Almost want to leave unnoticed if I cannot do anything good.
Talking about the way he does things, I was watching Kungfu Panda yesterday. There are definitely some almost Zen moments when you watch oriental movies. I had one yesterday: “There are no accidents”. Have heard infinite variations of the words..--- There are no coincidences, everything is planned … yadda yadda yadda.
But then I did not have the moment even when I was seeing the movie. It was the day after when Ethnic-atom commented at a statement of mine.
Another time I had a Zen feeling was when I was driving behind this car. We were passing through a crossing and a turn and the driver in front threw a paper crumpled out of the window. As I watched its trajectory towards the pavement and it fluttering, a paper’s existence unfolded across my life. In that second, I was able to visualize its birth from a tree it did not even know existed and its journey to where it was today and what it was doing where it was. Hit me with the force of a sandbag. Arrived exactly at the moment to a place where someone was looking for it.
There are really no ways of explaining Zen feelings. It is almost like Déjà vu. And the only thing that mattered most was that there was a destiny to that piece of paper. Tomorrow it might save the earth and I had seen it.
(Took me to thinking about all the flotsam, jetsam, airsam, samsam floating across the Indian roads and rail roads. – formed with the one purpose of trashing the nation.)
Believe me. There is a reason. For everything to be exactly the way it is. And it is for the best of everybody.
Live and learn as the Gaffer used to say.. Tolkienwise.
It is something that goes beyond the skin. I love Him from somewhere deep and every minute I want Him to make me aware of Him. Just reassure me He is there with me every second of my pains.. It is like a wife wanting her husband to be with her when she is in the obstetrician’s ward trying to breathe new life. But the moment the child is born, the husband becomes secondary though only for a short while.
I want Him with me every second of my life on earth, trying to leave without making much negative impact, help me make some positive impact at least. Almost want to leave unnoticed if I cannot do anything good.
Talking about the way he does things, I was watching Kungfu Panda yesterday. There are definitely some almost Zen moments when you watch oriental movies. I had one yesterday: “There are no accidents”. Have heard infinite variations of the words..--- There are no coincidences, everything is planned … yadda yadda yadda.
But then I did not have the moment even when I was seeing the movie. It was the day after when Ethnic-atom commented at a statement of mine.
Another time I had a Zen feeling was when I was driving behind this car. We were passing through a crossing and a turn and the driver in front threw a paper crumpled out of the window. As I watched its trajectory towards the pavement and it fluttering, a paper’s existence unfolded across my life. In that second, I was able to visualize its birth from a tree it did not even know existed and its journey to where it was today and what it was doing where it was. Hit me with the force of a sandbag. Arrived exactly at the moment to a place where someone was looking for it.
There are really no ways of explaining Zen feelings. It is almost like Déjà vu. And the only thing that mattered most was that there was a destiny to that piece of paper. Tomorrow it might save the earth and I had seen it.
(Took me to thinking about all the flotsam, jetsam, airsam, samsam floating across the Indian roads and rail roads. – formed with the one purpose of trashing the nation.)
Believe me. There is a reason. For everything to be exactly the way it is. And it is for the best of everybody.
Live and learn as the Gaffer used to say.. Tolkienwise.
A new white dawn
The morning was perfectly beautiful. The telephone rang at 6:30 AM. “”Enna aachu??? Innum thoonigindu erukiya? Office poga vendama KK?””
I have been waking up every day since I landed from India around 3:00 - 3:30 am. Not to mention the fact that I sleep off at 8, 7, and finally 6 on one day. Plead jet lag.
The gym works wonders on the body. A mile’s run and a mile’s cycling with an hour of Racquetball threw my body into full gear mode and I was screaming with pain (but delighted) as all my muscles flexed their pinkies and woke up after 4 months.
Walked leisurely to the windows, drew the blinds across to the most beautiful sight in the world. Fresh fresh white snow on the ground. As tender as jasmine petals, super clean and fantastically spread out. Everything was white except for the shining asphalt of the road. Seriously Black and white is the most beautiful combination in the world. Drank in the sight for a couple of minutes.
Filter coffee from India. Brewed a pot of fine Madras Kaapi.
Got my camera out and snapped away pictures of the morning it snowed. Wanted to make a collage of the fall colors around my house but turned out that snow covers the ground now. I am hoping I will be lucky to have the next snow drift separated far enough to thaw the snow and get the leaves back to color. Unlikely but not impossible.
So beautiful morning all in all. Was planning to add a picture but turned out that my office lappie (What did you think???) did not have an SD card reader and am stuck with no photo outlet..Hmmmmm..
Will see you soon with pics…
I have been waking up every day since I landed from India around 3:00 - 3:30 am. Not to mention the fact that I sleep off at 8, 7, and finally 6 on one day. Plead jet lag.
The gym works wonders on the body. A mile’s run and a mile’s cycling with an hour of Racquetball threw my body into full gear mode and I was screaming with pain (but delighted) as all my muscles flexed their pinkies and woke up after 4 months.
Walked leisurely to the windows, drew the blinds across to the most beautiful sight in the world. Fresh fresh white snow on the ground. As tender as jasmine petals, super clean and fantastically spread out. Everything was white except for the shining asphalt of the road. Seriously Black and white is the most beautiful combination in the world. Drank in the sight for a couple of minutes.
Filter coffee from India. Brewed a pot of fine Madras Kaapi.
Got my camera out and snapped away pictures of the morning it snowed. Wanted to make a collage of the fall colors around my house but turned out that snow covers the ground now. I am hoping I will be lucky to have the next snow drift separated far enough to thaw the snow and get the leaves back to color. Unlikely but not impossible.
So beautiful morning all in all. Was planning to add a picture but turned out that my office lappie (What did you think???) did not have an SD card reader and am stuck with no photo outlet..Hmmmmm..
Will see you soon with pics…
Monday, October 12, 2009
A smorgasbord
It is a beautiful 45 degrees (F of course!!! Can degree C ever be pleasant?)outside. Fall colors and gentle rain play their part perfectly. The afternoon turning out to be a dash of colors. Wanted to be outside with my camera but needed to be at work.
Decided to take a longer break than usual pleading jet lag (Oh! I just returned from a short short trip back home which I will tell you about shortly – whether you ask for it or not).
Lunch was 10 minutes and then mousing around a bit with my computer and then PGW. Coffee? Yes coffee!! Amma had packed me the most delightful P-Berry combo some stuff poison that just melts your system. I got home from the airport around 2:00 AM yesterday and the first thing I did was to unwrap the packet and make some filter coffee decoction. So that I would not be disappointed first thing in the morning.
So coffee, rain, fall colors and French windows. It was vaguely nostalgic. It was around this time a couple of years ago, when on a day like this, sitting on the stairs of my apartment on Gazette avenue in Lexington, I started my first blog. It was called a moral wanderer, then became immoral wanderer and then priyamvatha to vanjula. It was a mere experimentation into something that has become very personal.
I have lost quite a few posts on my way here (between blog transitions) but made a few great friends and met excellent authors and people.
Spent a couple of moments drinking in the beauty of the afternoon. Decided that it was worthwhile to go a bit late to work rather than missing out on the few moments of bliss.
After half an hour, got out of the house most reluctantly and drove to work. So here I am. Penning my thoughts while I am being paid to work.
My 4 years in the United States have just drawn to a close. 2 months into my 5th year. I still remember the first few days during end of June 05 when I reached US. Staying with a couple of seniors, then my one and only room mate Sudarshni, life in Lexington, the grad studies, school, “Lex makkal”.
The days are shortening. Nights becoming longer. Autumn has set in with style. Winter shall soon be here white, muddy and gray. For some reason, the passing of time seems more pronounced in the US. Maybe because the seasons change so rapidly and the colors are so distinctive. You remember and savor almost every day of the year.
My thoughts are with Brian Greene’s “Fabric of the cosmos” which I started reading some time back. Apart from the Goal, this is almost the longest time I have ever taken to complete a book (I am still far from the end). Not because it is long (it is), boring (definitely not!!) or unreadable. But because it involves science and thinking. It is about the space-time theories and the universe. The most fascinating but little realized or recognized vital players are light and time. How much do we take these for granted? Always
After all, light is light and time is time. What else do we care or know? But with light, the colors of the season are awakened to the eye and they fly past with time.
The book is more of a scientific pursuit of the universe’s origins. God may be the probability wave that makes the photon behave in duality but He finds no mention in the book.
Well. More about the book in another blog. Right now in true Gandalf fashion : Wherever I have been, I am back.
(The day outside took me back to this song by my favorite composer. Dreamy, soft, haunting..)
Decided to take a longer break than usual pleading jet lag (Oh! I just returned from a short short trip back home which I will tell you about shortly – whether you ask for it or not).
Lunch was 10 minutes and then mousing around a bit with my computer and then PGW. Coffee? Yes coffee!! Amma had packed me the most delightful P-Berry combo some stuff poison that just melts your system. I got home from the airport around 2:00 AM yesterday and the first thing I did was to unwrap the packet and make some filter coffee decoction. So that I would not be disappointed first thing in the morning.
So coffee, rain, fall colors and French windows. It was vaguely nostalgic. It was around this time a couple of years ago, when on a day like this, sitting on the stairs of my apartment on Gazette avenue in Lexington, I started my first blog. It was called a moral wanderer, then became immoral wanderer and then priyamvatha to vanjula. It was a mere experimentation into something that has become very personal.
I have lost quite a few posts on my way here (between blog transitions) but made a few great friends and met excellent authors and people.
Spent a couple of moments drinking in the beauty of the afternoon. Decided that it was worthwhile to go a bit late to work rather than missing out on the few moments of bliss.
After half an hour, got out of the house most reluctantly and drove to work. So here I am. Penning my thoughts while I am being paid to work.
My 4 years in the United States have just drawn to a close. 2 months into my 5th year. I still remember the first few days during end of June 05 when I reached US. Staying with a couple of seniors, then my one and only room mate Sudarshni, life in Lexington, the grad studies, school, “Lex makkal”.
The days are shortening. Nights becoming longer. Autumn has set in with style. Winter shall soon be here white, muddy and gray. For some reason, the passing of time seems more pronounced in the US. Maybe because the seasons change so rapidly and the colors are so distinctive. You remember and savor almost every day of the year.
My thoughts are with Brian Greene’s “Fabric of the cosmos” which I started reading some time back. Apart from the Goal, this is almost the longest time I have ever taken to complete a book (I am still far from the end). Not because it is long (it is), boring (definitely not!!) or unreadable. But because it involves science and thinking. It is about the space-time theories and the universe. The most fascinating but little realized or recognized vital players are light and time. How much do we take these for granted? Always
After all, light is light and time is time. What else do we care or know? But with light, the colors of the season are awakened to the eye and they fly past with time.
The book is more of a scientific pursuit of the universe’s origins. God may be the probability wave that makes the photon behave in duality but He finds no mention in the book.
Well. More about the book in another blog. Right now in true Gandalf fashion : Wherever I have been, I am back.
(The day outside took me back to this song by my favorite composer. Dreamy, soft, haunting..)
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