Kelvi piranthathu andru

The basis of human knowledge has been from the art of questioning. When you cease to question, you cease to exist as the saying goes. When I first heard this story, I was spellbound.

One day, a man awoke in the petals of a huge lotus (he did not know that!). He did not know anything. What he was, why, where, how. Nothing. Even the he was not felt. There was no perception. A few years passed. He realized that he was something. That he could see something, or rather when he turned (Oh! I can turn, turn? What’s that?), he saw different things or rather perceived a change. So yugas passed and he finally realized that he was something that could see, hear, utter, sense, and finally…question. Where am I? He looks around and sees the petals of the lotus. He tries to explore but the lotus is huge. Perseverance is the key to success, isn’t it? He finds out that it has a stalk…a few more yugas of work. What ever he had or did not, this man did have two things: perseverance and a lot of time meaning long life.

He starts climbing (I don’t know what he called it) down the stalk. Long long yugas. He becomes …impatient and realizes he could drop down instead of climbing down. A very very courageous decision. Imagine the odds. You do not know any other creature, you have a beautiful(?) home and then, a dark, empty, brooding universe. Will you give up that spot to drop onto nothingness? Well. That’s how the story goes. This man did.

He falls down beside the lotus stalk for a few yugas. Still nothing. Finally beaten and anxious to see his lotus back, he clings back to the stalk floating still beside him and climbs back a few hundred and more yugas. When he reaches the Lotus bed, he collapses and starts questioning himself. Well. I don’t seem to find anyone. As far as I have gone, there seems to be nothing like me. What am I? How am I? Let me start within myself and see if that helps. After intense meditation and each passing day bringing more knowledge about himself, one day he is surrounded by blinding light, a graceful hand lifted in blessing and staring at the most sought out one of all. He sees the Lord and realizes that he is Brahma and the first created of the world. To continue the divine work.

Nothing comes easy does it? You have me to tell you this story, I my grandma and she hers. But where does the wish come from? From me. You. Her. Patti, I am bored. Tell me something. Ever heard of about an idle mind?

The reason I brought this up was I realized in my work place that I do not learn anything until I question. And then? I have never questioned enough about my studies or education or my professed field of specialization. Not enough.

This led me to thinking about my dance classes. I tell people that I trained in dance for 13 years and then thought really hard about it the next 5 years and only now have I begin to understand the subtle nuances in gestures, expressions and feelings. I haven’t begun to practice them yet.

I go back to my days in the dance school. Thai, thakka, dhimi, tham, thakitta, thakathimi, tha. We danced as a group (GG : Gumbaloda Govindha as my bro affectionately called me). Never even thinking or thought to think about what we were doing. Then as I proceeded to a senior level, still never really thought about the meaning of the song in Telugu or Kannada or most often Sanskrit that I was dancing too. No questions. Just blind acceptance. Why this? Why not this?

Same way in school. There was one time I dared to say,” This way. Not that” and got punished for it. (But remember questioning genuinely is one thing and vidhandaavatham vera!! )

State board exams, college years, GRE…everything was a read, vomit, forget endeavor. Never taught to question. All basic needs for questioning quelled with punishment. Gomastha kalvi. I don’t say that there are not geniuses who are born with the attitude for questioning but the vast majority get forgotten. Or is that the very reason we distinguish geniuses.

I question because I think. I think because I am. I am because?

Adiyen.