Iraivan varuvan,,avan endrum nal vazhi tharuvan

Today, of all days I have been in the US of A, I felt the acute need to go to the temple and prostrate before the Almighty.I was having a lot of doubts and questions.

The thoughts were incessant and continuous. I wasn't concentrating on my work and the ANSYS window remained largely neglected.

If you have visited the temple of Shri Parthasarathy Perumal in Thiruvallikeni or propose to do so in the future, you could benefit by this piece of information.

As we depart from the sanctum sanctorum, on the left wall is inscribed a huge granite tablet with the etchings on it.

When Swami Vivekananda was in US, his disciple in Madras, Alasingan, devoid of leadership was in search of hope and support. Swamiji then wrote a letter to him which is inscribed in this tablet. It says, "Go now..This very moment to the sannithi of Lord Parthasarathi who was the succor of all the lowly cowherds of Gokula." He who provided life and hope to the lowliest of people and uplifted them bringing them closest to Him. For they were His dearest. He is the sarathi. He is the guide of all of us who hope in some way to alleviate the suffering of the poor, to bring Him among them.

The above is only a paraphrasing of the holy expression of Swamiji. He asks Alasinga to go and fall at His feet, the Holy feet that could deliver him from all doubts, provide hope and support and bless..what not?

Those words keep repeating themselves in my mind. Whenever there has been doubts in my mind, when I feel bereft of a will or purpose, I used to, when I lived in Thiruvallikeni, go to the temple and read this tablet. I used to prostate before the Lord and surrender to Him all my mind's weight.

I think I kinda silently regarded Swamiji as my guru who pointed Him to me and said, "He is for your realization. Go and renounce yourselves in Him". For the past two days, it has been as though the thought is drumming into my ears, mind and soul. "Go and fall at His feet." Go and fall at His feet..

I had my twelve board exams the next day. I am a good student. I had never wanted any intelligence to shine but lacked hard work that is the ghee of the lamp that is success. But I had worked hard this time. Wanted to shine through. Was hoping for triple centum. As is the dream of every twelve student. Not being a favorite of my teacher, I was once literally cursed in class that I would not get a 200/200 in chemistry which is my favorite subject. I was devastated. The next day exams was Chemistry and I was totally unnerved with the prospect of taking it. I was sure that I would fail.

At that moment, I ran to the temple. It was 9:20 PM. The time of closing of the temple. I stood before the Lord and cried. I just left everything to His infinite mercy. My mind calmed, I came home, studied and made a 198. Wasn't the best score. But I guess God did not want to falsify the words of a Guru, though not worthy of the status. Not mine to say.

Today. This first of February, I wish I could go to the temple, close my eyes, fold my hands and let the tears flow unashamedly. For they are not symbols of weakness. They show great strength. Strength in admitting that the eyes that shed them need help.

The mere look of His divine face, which will assure me, all my troubles are never mine but His. The smile on His face that reassures me, "I will take care".

I need the temple. I used to dream of the Lord when I had first come to the USA. You know, when you have been in the habit of going to the temple 365 days a year,nine years in a row, God becomes an integral part of your thinking. It is as though you are missing a father, a mother..no..your soul.

I wanted to go to the temple. To see my Lord. Since I cant go, I can only think.

Thunjumpothu ninaimin, Thuyar varil ninaimin, Thurilin sollinum nandram,
Nanju than kandeer nammudai vinaikku, Narayana ennum Namam.

-Thirumangai aazwar