Ponnu sumakara bhoomi

The title is obviously borrowed. From, "Vaazhka patta bhoomi". The book did impress me to a certain extent but did'nt gell with other aspects he mentioned. But this chapter is just amazing. It describes the life of the "gramathiya pengal" and their grit. Quite true.

My periya patti used to live in this place called kali. It is famous for utensils and especially "dosai kallu." The tava. Not nonstick. extremely safe..But we are not discussing what's special about kali or its pans are we? Patti was married into a big family in kali. Her mother in law. Total hitler. It seems she would not even let patti eat out of her eye sight. :) Marital bliss and happy motherhood was a passing dream. Patti's two kids were devoured in front of her own eyes. A beautiful girl of 10 lost on karthigai day :pei adichuduthu. !! What? The boy then all of 7 years fell prey to pneumonia. Misfortune was not to stop there. Husband sick with stomach cancer, doctors could not even diagose what it was. Running to madras, with a sick guy, beautiful and all of 27 years.

She stood by her husband till his death. Later turned to God for solace. She has travelled all over the 106 divya desams in the India and Nepal more than once. Some even twice, thrice and most scores.

At this point I stop and wonder. What would I have done if God decided to test my will? Ok. not me. Say a third man? Would he have kept to God? or become totally willless and unmotivated in life? I have seen people do just that. I did that for failing my driving test.

This is not an isolated phenomena. In rural areas, husbands are still returning home drunk, beating their so called better halfs and killing kids in drunken stupor. They are still heading for prostitutes. STill more for the cheap beedis and paans and tobacco. They are bringing home discomfort, disease and death. Leaving the women to scrap the barrel.

Construction site ellam ponnu vela pakkara edama? Is it a place for girls with their so called fragile hands and feet and health to work? The exploitation that goes on at the cornered spot on the unfinished seventh floor balcony? "inniki vanthaina intha masa contract unaku than. pasanga padikanum la?"

If it is the case for rural women, do you think office going and self supporting ladies of the city are well protected and shielded?

Countless number of accidental brushings :bus,trains,offices, cinema theaters, malls, doctors, compunders, government hospitals,private hospitals, very own relatives. What kind of a world is it? Sexually perverted? twisted?

One of my own friends was illtreated by her mother in law for not being able to bear a child. She is an accomplished musician. Well read. So is her family. Her husband, mother in law. Upto the extent of asking for a divorce.

But beyond all this. When you go home, your mom, sister or wife comes to with a smile, "coffee?". Looks after the kids. Prays for everyones safety and hers too. "May I be spared to look after them!"

Ithu ponnu sumakara bhoomi illama vera ennathu sir?

To be a woman.

Another sterling example would be my own friend Chitra akka. I call her friend becos she has grown to be a part of the family itself. She does chores at my house. 100% faithful, 100% honest and 200% a bundle of fun. She was my constant companion these four months. I was repeatedly reduced to tears by her laughs. Oxymoron. She has this husband who is a drunkard. A big loser. That's what he is. She has two daughters. ("ketta kedu pothathu nu than rendum ponna poranthucho nu nenachen!") This guy earns like 3000 Rs. He loses it to gambling, drinking, and gives it freely to his friends. No thought about the women at home. Thank goodness he has no thoughts about the women not at home at least!!!

Singlehandedly, she has brought up the kids. One of them is doing a B.Com at SIET and the other is planning to go on for teacher training. I was extremely happy. Both of them I hope, are going to get married to decent guys, never look back and be happy.

If sitting in my house, I see 5 stories, I mention only five. I can say 50. My mom and patti are the two human beings who guide my light home. If you hear their personal saga, nothing in your life can ever ever beat or daunt you.

There are stories like this happening in each of the households of my street. Some savory, some utterly the opposite. Some to be proud of. Some to deplore. In all these, women tend to be the underdog, the defender, the one taken for granted.

If you even think of it from a midway. Not a guy. Not a girl. As a human. You can see the injustice in our society. It is too obvious. Still that is not the issue here.

There is a story of this husband who goes to live with the lady in the next street! I was like, "what?!!!!!!!" Imagine the plight of this poor girl. Not even knowing she might need a divorce, not having a source of income, a small baby. Meeting the only guy she has been intimate with, one who knows all her secrets, yet of whom she had never dreamed a wrong everyday in the streets? Until she is forced to move away to accept her situation. And then to battle on.

"Indiran kettathum pennala. Chandiran kettathum pennale..". Dey!!. When I hear these stupid statements. This guys sneaks behind a muni's house leaving Indrani behind and you blame the girl? You get married to 27 beautiful girls and you favor only one of them leaving the rest to pine? Buddy, you always had it coming.

So why is the woman expected to be the epitome of the society? The moral upholder? The torch bearer of all things righteous? She has to be working, laundering, cooking taking care of the man's needs, child's needs and apart from all these things, virtuous, kind, gentle, caring, not to say Beautiful and virgin!!!! Man. Isnt all these too much? And when you get one like that,(most of the girls in India are this way), you take her for granted?

Has ever a man been ostracized for smoking a cigarette? Oru ponnu pudicha pothume samy!! kannu virinchu, vai agandu, naaku pezhari, kathulernthu poga vanthu thudichu poiduvanga.!! Hypocrites. Not that I support women smoking. Not good for a lot of reasons. But who has the right?

Hmm.. pondering on.

The woman

I am at the lab. There has been a constant nagging in the corner of my mind for this blog for more than 4 months now. But I don't know how to frame it or put it across in a way that would feel the way I'd intend it to be.This is the first of a many part series. Be forewarned.

As a woman, this blog is very personal. And I tend to be biased.
But. Still. Here goes nothing.

I have always felt that God made women stronger than man. By giving her the power (and the sensitivities that go behind it) to cry.
Not just that alone but also many more.

When I had gone back to India, each morning at 8:30, there used to be this mother daughter duo who coming selling spinach. "Keeraiiiiiiiiiiii... Maa.. Keerrai..." Addressed only to the women of the neighborhood, it was a clarion call. Patti used to rush to buy fresh lovely smelling "organic greens". It turns out that the patti "mother" is around 70. But still she battles on. I see hundreds of such self made entrepreneurs among women.Aged 70-80, I am left wondering,"will they never give up?"

There is an old patti who delivers milk for us at home. She charges 1 rupee per day for 1 litre packet and 0.50rs for 1/2 litre. This way she puts behind her around 1000 Rs a month. This time, back breaking load, sun scorching down, I was the only person awake in the house and she asked me for some buttermilk. After attending to her, I sat down at the entrance and asked," patti, innum ethukku ethellam? athan peran(Grand son) vela pakkaran la? veetla eruka vendiyathu thane?" She replied," You know what? He is asking to be married. He is not even 22. He works with Onyx(the garbage collection unit) as a small time worker(not cleaner. better than that). I am suffering. He has two sisters. One who has been chased periodically out by her husband, has a small kid and younger than him, also sick. The other the local rowdy :), tall tomboy, not even come to her age. And he askes to be married immediately. What do I do?"

(And, he was married by the time I left India. His wife and he are set up in a separate lodging. Patti happy that she has only 4 mouths to feed(not 6:)))

I was shocked. There are not one, not two but three nitty gritty women in the family. One old, ripe, wizened and not yet ready to let go. One who has nothing in life to be happy about, tortured by her husband, sick and a small kid. One who is repeatedly taunted and is undaunted by it.

The exploration shall continue.