Home again..Though not alone..

Entered home to a great fanfare. Actually embarrassed by it. :) All my parents did not do was to have a band playing at the entrance to our street!!!.

"Eh..kada veethi kalakakum, enn chella ponnu..ava nadanthu vantha..."

As I was being petted by everyone in the street, (Hey!! I was the street's favorite!!. When I left for the US, everyone were like "When r we going to see you lift water? shout at the van vendors? Steal bats from small boys in the street? Your monkey antics....") I was drowned in the affection.

The phone rung continously. Until appachi ordered it off. Jet lag? Me? not at all. After all I trot galaxies. I distributed everything I had bought leaving nobody's curiosity to doubts. It was 9:00 when I went to the temple..

The temple...

If you had the years that I have spent in that dear old place. To behold the Lord, it was like being reborn. My chest swelled up as if to include the infinte mercy the Lord had shown to be seeing me again. This one year has been a lot of troubles. Leaving home was never an easy decision. Being alone, no friends really. It was a misery and after a lot of troubles in the past three months. I just wanted to be back in my mother's lap.

As I bowed my head to the supreme being who plays us like puppets, I wanted never to leave again. Tears welled up and was supressed. I was back.

"Ennama Hamsa? Vanthutiya? enna eppdi eruke? Nanna erukiya? Enime thirumbi poganuma? Padichu mudichacha? Neenga rendu perum ponathu appuram konjam verumana than ma eruker Perumale"

Nannum en friend Lakshmiyum. "Therla mama. Poganum. Ennum oru varusham eruku padichu mudika ve. appuram vela aganum".

"anga thedariya? Perumala vittuta? "

Simple answer. As the priest quelled my doubts in one simple answer, I could not yet bring myself to answer him. Smiled meekly and left.

But this time, I felt the distance that I have never felt in my 9 years of piety. I felt I was on the brim of a sphere and looking inside. I felt fear, doubt and unhappiness assail me for the first time. Does God really take care of me? Then why am I suffering in the USA? Why?? As I sighed deeply, His countenance maintained the only exprssion I had ever beheld. Smile.

"Thelliya singama magia Thevai Thiruvallikeni kandene..."- alwar mangalasasanam..so went the boy priest.


I spent myself on the walls, the pillars, saw scriptures on the old tamil etched on the walls. Remembered every cherished nook where confidences were exchanged. The mirrors..Devoted myself to the history of the temple. Walked down aisles that I had run on as a child. Saw in the dappled sunlight corridors my younger self as I ran.. Pattu pavadai. My long hair plaited neatly..Patti. Nine yards sarila.. MS e nadanthu vara mathri.

"Hamsa odatha di. Ennala mudiyala. Hamsa nillu ma. etho par. Poochi mama vanthuta. Unna pudichi ava paiyannuku kalyanam panni vechuduva. appuram unna athula sethuka matta."...

I saw myself stop dead on my tracks and run to patti. The much maligned poochi mama. The still maligned notion of marriage. I smiled to myself that I was still holding on to that.

After 20 years of wanderings, I am back. At the shore of my land. The ocean of joy. I wanted to drown myself. As in sannithi after sannithi, the interview went on..loads and loads of Prasadams later, I headed out.

I was not one with the eternal being. But actually discovered that I am a shade farther from Him. My mind uncalmed by this visit, turned to the streets.

Mada veethi.. The streets where Perumal holds sway. Porapadu, running around Him with a digital camera. The boys. The girls. The youth. The drunken stupor of youth. Sriram, Venkat, Vijay, sangeetha, Lakshmi, Hamsa, Sarang, Parthasarthi,...As we swaggered around in the confidence that youth and beauty had given us.

Even I write it, even as I stood reliving those wonderful moments..my heart leapt across easily the four years. The night of Diwali..When I awoke to be a woman, as Sriram held my hand and said : "Hamsa, na unna than kalyanam pannipen. vera yaraiyum ella"..

I smiled. I walked to the house opposite to the temple. " Mami, soukiyama? Mama office poitara? Na inniku kathala than vanthen. Koilluku vanthen apdiye pathutu polame nu.."

"Vadi vadi, eppidi eruka? oru varusham odi poiduthe ma? Sriram kku kozhanda porakka porthu theriyumono? Janaki ella. amma athukku kootindu poi erukan. okkaru. kapi sapadriya? " Saroja mami yoda kallam ellatha sirippu.

The childhood intentions of love that sriram had harboured had vanished into mists when he entered college and met Janaki. A year of courtship and wedded bliss later, I meet him again in RMKv last year when shopping for my trip. An embarrased silence later, I said "Sriram, nee sonnathu ellam na manusulaye vechukala. Nee ennoda sagajama eru. sariya?"

I was also matured in the four years that had ensued. As it is in the first place, it was not sriram I was interested in. :))). But I take great pleasure in reminding him of the scene in the motamadi.. lakshmi and venkat in attendance as he proposed.

Antha mottamadi eri poi pathen. nalu varusham odi poiduthungartha namba mudiyala!!!..

keezha erangi "poitu varen mami..". Thirumbi South mada veethi..

Aiyo!! Poochi mama paiyan!!

"Hey hamsa, eppdi erukel? nanna erukela? America ellam eppdi eruku? Enga vara manasu vanthutha? "

ammam da!! unnaku than theriyum america eppdi nu!! Vara manasu vanthuthaman!!.

I had not forgotten that he was the one who stopped me from play. I glared at him and with unwarrented rudeness: " Nannaa eruken. Sari appuram parkalam". Interview over.

I walked home...