Yonder lies the path to greener pastures.

Does it all really break down into chemicals? Love, faith, belief, happiness, depression....can all these human emotions be really mere organic structures moving along streams of predetermined brain stems and nerve endings?

Fate, karma, maya??? Mere figments of imaginations of the whimsical thoughts of the fragmented demented human brain? Hmm..

When you are beset in all sides by the seemingly inescapable mires of time, hedged in the past, unable to accept the present and in fear of the future....

Is it true..whatever that is taught in our scriptures? In any scripture for that matter? Who is God? If there is a God, who created Him? Is He really the totally merciful saviour of all or is He a sadist?

If He is capable for all good in the world, then why does He not change the world with a sweep of His hand? Why is He partial and why not the same to all?

Why should files of my previous births be hidden from me? By the privacy act , I have not signed any clause that prevents my records being see by me!!!!!!!!!

Who gave Him the authority to be the police man of the Universe? What business of His is the earth?

I thoroughly hate Him for His deeds.. I hate Him because I am a human who fears anything he/she does not know. Cannot comprehend.

I hate God for I dont understand Him. He stands where I cant perceive Him and taunts me with the truth that I long for.

I know I must go to Him. But how? Whither is the path?

Whither art Thou My Lord?"

"..... The world evolved from uni-celled to what it is today.... "

"....Yes. It was called Prajapati. A single celled organism encased in a golden vessel.."

"...What crap!!! Who is Prajapati here anyway and who said the big bang was true any way?

" Big bang is the assumed theory..

"There you go.. assumed.."

" No..There is proof of this in the Mahabharata..."

"Who says the Mahabharata is true.."

"Everything I have learnt ever from the Hindu Philosophy has been true."

"Assumed to be true.."

"No. It is God. How can it be wrong? "

"God.. Can you prove the existence of God?"

" Can you prove evolution?"

"Of course.!!! Man!!! There is solid proof for it.. Don't you ever read!!"

"Then explain the eye!!"

"There you go!! Classic creationist observance.. When somebody asks you to prove something, you go ahead and try to disprove evolutionist theory..Or rather what we are trying to understand!!!. Wow"(sarcasm oozes out)!

" Isn't it an refuting by anti proof an existing and accepted method for proof or disproving? You have the Math people do it but when we.."

"Oh! You prove something solidly before you go ahead and disprove a part of our analysis..."

"Are all evolutionist atheists? Why do they pray? Why do they have faith?"

"You don't have to explain. Everything is ruled by chemicals. We are a lucky chance to be what we are. That's it. Evolution tried and got us this way...."

This argument never seemed to end. It was me and Navy arguing in Austin.. A minute ago, everything seemed idyllic but now the very basis of my existence on this place we called earth was been shaken. I could not but accept defeat. I wasn't able to prove God.

I tried of various ways to do it. I said the breeze. The sun. The Moon. Water. Rain. Everything pointed to God. I see Him in everything.

"Okay. I am an non believer. Go ahead and make me believe that there is God. I do want to believe you see."

Would God have appeared if I had said, "Thoonilum erupan Thrumbilum erupan"? and showed a pillar?

I did not try but it was improbable. Or was it? All along, my faith in God has been the only proof for His existence. You don't merely believe in something that you are told. For example, if my mom says,"Hamsa. Today is Kizhakku soolam. Do this way." I argue with her for hours about the fundamentals behind such beliefs.

But I have never argued the existence of God. But I had been told, "Nambinaarku Kadavil. Ellarku Kal." You do not question the belief of God. You believe Him.

Today. I stand my beliefs questioned and I am not able to substantiate. But I now know that we each have to find our own God. I ended with a feeble, "Your work is your God." That is it.

But. Today.. The Quest begins..

When nobody knows how long ago..

Where was I all this time? I am totally surprised that I let an year end go by without blogging. I have not been idle. Have been reading posts of previous, present and future goals, resolutions, changes...

I think if a calendar year change.. A date change can actually correct so many humans..Then it is a big achievement of Caesar who changed the New year to be Jan 1 from March...

Ennamo ponga.. Naalu perukku nalathunna ethuvume thappila...recenta Nayagan pathen. My first time watching Kamal live as Velu Nayakar. It was awesome and needless to say, " Nayakar enna migavum bathichutar"

Am at Austin with my brother. Lazing away my vacation, precious time that could be spent better searching for jobs, introspecting, thinking up resolutions that wont last even a day...

I am at cross roads. I see a road that says more America, job, travel, fun, not tied to anything in this world. And another that says, Commitment, responsibility, Laying down roots, stability and boredom..

I know for sure that this year is going to be the turning point of my life. 2007.. Hmm...

What is there yet to come???

Happy New year to alll...