There are possibly two ways when I really need to write something. That's when I seek this blog. When I am unhappy/nervous/confused about something and the other when I am extremely happy. The latter has already seemingly disappeared in the distant horizon..

Yes. I am not feeling very good. I am actually feeling extremely bad. About myself. I am just wondering. What kinda of a 25 year old it would be that nobody ever really trusts? Not even her own brother? Who has been with her for the past 25 years of her life? Or a so called friend who has been with her 13 years? Or somebody who loved, respected and enjoyed her company for 5 years before things finally soured off? I am really at a deep thought stage. I wish I could find out the answer to the question of the world. How many ways can you judge Hamsa to be a back-stabber/no-gooder/ non trust worthy? 42. Million.

Cha. What is the meaning of 25 years of life on this planet when you don't have a friend to tell you that they are engaged? Both of them were my friends. Are my friends. I really wish I could shout from the top of this world., "Oh! Go f*** yourselves"to the rest of this world.. I really do.

Nobody ever understands what really friendship is. But when it is out, It is out. Thats it. There is no way to put it together. There are times when I have made gross mistakes. I have never been able to correct them. My biggest one, being the day I left Gill Adarsh. My school. To a mental asylum called Adarsh. Starting then, I can relate almost every cause of my unhappinesss/ misery to that school. If you have a cute girl for your kid, spare her life. Don't put her to school in Adarsh.

There are no friends in life. No relations. No sufferings. No happiness. Only karma. What you are born to do under the will of God. He alone is the truth. The reason behind I being. In the end, there will be Him and me. Nobody else. Only Him and me.

How to name it?

"Well. I am back!": So goes Samwise Gamgee on his return to the the Shire after Frodo sails away onto the other land with Gandalf. I am back. Means a lot of things.

For one thing, I am back in the blog. I have been writing a number of stuff that remains in the laptop but never sees the light of my blog. So this is the first one after a long time. The past month has been really really busy. For one thing. The other, it has been racy, confusing, tiring and has thrown a lot of me off track.

For a little filling in on what is going on. I moved to NY state. Got a job with a company up there. So trying to move to the new place, new people, new geography, weather,.. It is really nothing like moving to another location back home in India wherein the people change itself intensifies the situation. I got the SAD. Seasonal affection disorder. That's what I call it. It is winter, winter and more winter here. And coming from where I came from, it is summer, all glorius year long. So!! I am really finding it harsh and unwelcoming. Lexington seems to be heaven compared to this. Actually Lexington was Heaven whichever way you take it.

As for the area, it is pretty much threatening. Nothing very comforting about the surroundings like Lexington, where the school pretty much envelops you in its protection. But sitaution is pretty much tense in Lex, as such..Got my car broken into on the first week of my stay here. My laptop, hardisk, DVD collections, all my CDS, Audio, carnatic, software. Everything gone. Felt like my best friend left me once again. For a week I was unconsolable. Cried a lot. But it was my fault. Which brainless dumbo would leave such stuff in the car and sleep up in a hotel room? It was entirely my fault and not the place's.

Then got careless at the factory and bumped my head on a tool. Then got stupid and hit the other side on my car which also swelled up. I was like a comic character as in the archies!!

Peoplewise?? I haven't really had anytime to meet people. But there are not any Indian Indians here. So. But if I drive upto Buffalo/ Pittsburgh/ Rochester/ Cleveland there might be great people to meet. Probably try flying to NY sometime. But still. Here at my place, I am pretty much a loner.

So what happens when all the above comes together? I turn a bumbling, blue blistering barnacle!!! My mind actually turns into billions of them and eats them away itself. Got this hammer pounding steadily into my head: bham. bham. bham..

Wacko. Thats what I have become.

So what did I do? I take a break. TO LEXINGTONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...I flew to Lexington last weekend and it turns out to be one of my most rewarding holidays. I did some cool stuff. Met my friends and walked a lot. Walked my turf. Should say! Got a new pair of shoes. Got some UK material for my car(which is by the way called Sarang). It is an old blue Toyota Camry, 2003 model. A bit old but enough for a new new driver. (and a new college graduate : hurt the pocket enough!!!)

So the year is turning out to be a pretty trail mix. Got a job and a car(hmmph). Got hurt 3 times. Went to the doctor quite some. got a burn up my leg to show for New year cooking. Moved out of a life. To a new one. And a lonely one. Left Lexington. Missed my brother's marriage for which I really meant to invite you all. But could not!!! Becos I could not go myself.. Selfish little piglet amn't I? AH! The big one. My Bro got married.

"Careful! Things may have shifted during flight!!" is the message that comes to me!.

So that's been a lot of filling in for a long time in a few words. But I missed writing. I missed reading. I missed every one of the things that made life happy in Lexington. Coffee, makkal, blogs, school, the roads, the walking, the speech, the sounds, the noises, the music. Every single thing that has made life away from home a little more eay to live.

But I got a new job for which I need to be thankful for. God has opened up a new chapter in my life. I need to find myself again and move on. And I shall endeavour to do precisely it from today. I got a sense of purpose. A way of giving back to the society that brought me up.

I shall be back with a lot more in the days to come.Maybe we shall some pictures here pretty soon.

Till then..Adios amigos!!

Kalluri

Balaji Sakthivel seems to have a knack form crafting movies that remain etched on your mind long after you have watched them. You empathize with the characters long after they are gone, you wish their dreams come true. You hope against hope that the end one would expect from Balaji never comes. For all his amazing story telling, themes and whatever, he does come across as a very melancholic persona.

Kalluri does not disappoint. Set in a semi urban arts college, it brings out clearly the dreams, passions, sacrifices and normal lives of people who come to the college amidst great sacrifices of their families. It brings out the live throb in the eyes of everybody that they should succeed. Not matter what the cost. For the loss cannot be estimated.

Kalluri does not pander. It does not show the sacrifices as sufferings, grumblings or negativities. It raises a paean to the families. Everything in the movie is joyous and splendid.

The characters are beautifully portrayed by the actors themselves. Each one of them has lived it out. I really liked the character of Adhilakshmi and also Muthu's sister. They are beautiful daughters of the soil. Kalai, Ramesh, Muthu, Shobana, Adhi, Kamakshi, Nagarani, each of them capture the viewer's heart with their naive and innocent facades which are for once true to soul. Even the senior Karthik who tries to woo Shobana has done a beautiful cameo.

Each shot in the movie has been thought about, lived over and created. Maybe I would have omitted the first song which the seniors sing. Was natural but raucous.

The relation that exists precariously between Muthu and Shobana: the love that is and that is not. The utter failure it is going to face. The pathos and emotions. The true reflection on the states of their social strata. But despite all that: The love that arises naturally: as a weed on the rice patch. Hardy, beautiful, and yet not to be.

Balaji does leave you hoping, tugging at your heartstrings, to hope that their love would at least brook recognition if not acceptance.

The end was trite. I say so because of Balaji and not because of the ending. You know that it is not going to be happy. It is going to be stark horrifying reality. A cine goer is not to be treated his share of happiness. He is going to be left deprived of the happiness even in theaters. I am being harsh.

The movie is decent throughout. Almost a harsh pointer to all other movies as this is the way the culture goes and this is way a movie should be made. A hit not because of glam dolls, gyrations of the hero, a larger than life plot, a utter copy of one of the mega stars, or a lift from a Hollywood plot.

I want to go ranting about the kollywood scene, India's social setup and its utter insignificance to cinema's today. But let me stop.

For Kalluri is the last word in good cinemas hitting the screens at this time.